A Girl Asked A Guy

Ah, the not-so-epic tale, A girl Asked A Guy.

That meme has been spreading around social networks, blogs, and other web sites for ages.

On May 11, 2011, a chat-speak version of it was even posted as an answer to a question about if chain mail was over-rated. Two years later, somebody reposted it on YA again, asking if it was true. *Rolling eyes*

The chain usually ends at the part that says if you send to 15 people you're safe, but there is a considerably longer mutation that continues on with a lot of mushy sayings.

All of them get smashed here.

A funny Youtube video does a really good mock-out by dramatic reading of this chain letter.

Then came this great Youtube rant from SmoohooFilms, smashing the chain and expressing annoyance with it an others.

And here comes another smash!

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Chains: Don't look, it's a chain letter.. Yw, for warning you.. c:

Ocean Elf: Why shouldn't I look? Oh, you don't want me to smash it. Well, too bad for you.

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Ocean Elf: Down another dotted ladder…

Chains: A Girl Asked A Guy

Ocean Elf: Oh yay...

Chain1: A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty,

Chains2&3: Girl: am i pretty ?

Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

Chain1: he said...no.

Chains2&3: Boy: no

Ocean Elf: Dunce... No, make that dunces... What a neat little combo of characters, one is shallow, the other, stupid.

Chain1: She asked him if he would want to be with her forever....and he said no.

Chains2&3: Girl: do u want to be with me forever?

Ocean Elf: Stuck on him much, chick? He just said no to your all-important pretty question and you still asked if he wanted to be with you forever. Oh, get a grip!

Chains2&3:Boy: no

Ocean Elf: What a yutz. Is that the only word you know, dude? I can't imagine why any girl in her right mind would want to be with you or care if you thought she was pretty.

Chain1: She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.

Chains2&3: Girl: would you cry if i walked away?

Ocean Elf: *Rolling eyes*

Chains2&3: ...……Boy: no

Ocean Elf: So we have a needy girl and a socially inept dense chump.

Chains: She

Chain1: had

Chains: heard enough.

Chains2&3: and was hurt

Ocean Elf: *Sneer* Big surprise… Well, if you're going to obligate someone into stroking your ego, chick, I'd wonder what I'd gotten myself into with you if i was him. But - he's not operating on a full deck either, that's for sure.

Chain1: As

Chains: she walked away, tears

Chains2&3: ran

Chain1: streaming

Chains1&3: down

Chain2: dwn

Chains: her


Chains1&2: face


Chain3: facethe

Ocean Elf: Right, make sure the reader is without a doubt some girl has just been hurt and the tears are just rolling...

Chains: the boy grabbed her arm

Ocean Elf: Hey idiot! You don't just go grabbing people like that!

Chain1: and said....

Ocean Elf: Something annoying... Yeah, lay off, schmuck!

Chains2&3: Boy:

Chain1: You're

Chain2: ur

Chains: not pretty

Chain1: you're

Chain2: ur

Chain3: your

Chains1&3: beautiful.

Chain2: b e a u t i f u l .

Ocean Elf: Argh! What a head-gaming twit! And again with this pretty and beautiful stuff! Unlike chain letter airheads, real girls, the mature ones, that is, don't obsess over "beauty" and being "pretty". But to chain letter chicks who are exceedingly shallow self-centred bottomless pits of "I need my ego stroked!", looks is everything. *Scowl*

Chains: I

Chains1&3: don't

Chain2: dnt

Chains: want to be with

Chains1&3: you

Chain2: u

Chains: forever. I NEED to be with you forever. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away...

Chain1: I'd

Chains2&3: I would

Chains: die...

Ocean Elf: *Facepalm* At this point I'm not sure which one of these two creeps is more revolting. If the girl wasn't so insecure that she needed to swell her ego by fishing for compliments, and the guy wasn't such a half-witted head-gaming drongo, you wouldn't have bored and annoyed me with this stupid little story. And if anyone told me they'd die if I was to leave, I couldn't get away from them fast enough!

Ah, but in Chainletterland, the girls are always angsting over shallow narcissistic stuff like how pretty they are, and if some guy loves them, while the guys are either jerks, or slaving for some woman and either secretly hate it or sickeningly adore her, pontificating idiots, or else appearing to be jerks but turn out to be supposedly super nice in the end. *Rolling eyes* Note, I said 'supposedly'.

Chains2&3: Boy whispers: please stay with me

Ocean Elf: Please shut up!

Chains2&3: Girl whispers :

Chain2: : i will

Ocean Elf: And they lived stupidly ever after!

The third mutation gives it a slightly different ending.

Chain3: No, you toyed with my emotions for selfish reasons. I'm leaving you forever, you butt.

Ocean Elf: oh, brother, what a couple of drongoes! She's just as guilty of toying as he is, she walked right into it with these self-serving demands disguised as questions. And I couldn't help but notice that being pretty was at the very top of her priority list. *Rolling eyes*

Chain1: ♥♥ ~~THE END~~ ♥♥

Ocean Elf: If only…

Chain1: Send this to everyone on your list.......isn't that sweet?

Ocean Elf: Yeah, sickly saccharin sweet, and I will not send it to anyone on my list, whatever list that might be.

Chain1: I like you because of who you are to me.

Ocean Elf: And that would be nothing more than one of many people you think deserve to get this phony sappy junk I suppose.

Chain1: You are a true friend, if I don't get this back I'll take a hint.

Ocean Elf: You don't even know me, and you have no idea about what a true friend is. Here's a big hint for you. True friends don't try to coerce people to send stupid chain letters back to them with threats of ending the friendship if they don't get it back. A true friend wouldn't send chain letters in the first place.

Chains1&3: Tonight

Chain2: Tonite

Chains: at

Chains1&3: midnight

Chain2: midnite

Chains1&3: your

Chain2: ur

Chains: true love will

Chains1&3: realize

Chain2: relias

Chains: they

Chain1: like

Chains2&3: love

Chain2: u

Chains1&3: you.

Ocean Elf: Obviously you have no idea what a true love is. If I had a true love, he would know he loved me. That's what would make him a true love in the first place, along with me loving him back, of course. It isn't true love if it's one-sided.

More to the point, no chain letter will bore into the head of somebody and suddenly take over their mind to make them like you, love you, get any kind of feelings for you, "relias" or even realize anything, at midnight or any other time.

Chains: Something

Chains1&3: good

Chains: will happen

Chains1&3: to

Chain2: 2

Chains1&3: you

Chain2: u

Chains: at 1:00-4: 00pm tomorrow, it could be anywhere,

Chain1: AOL, yahoo, on IM or email, outside of school, anywhere.

Ocean Elf: No chain letter can make anything good happen to me anywhere. It has obviously done something very bad to you already, or you wouldn't have sent it to anyone or posted it on the web as if you actually believe in it.

Chains: get ready for the

Chains1&3: biggest

Chains: shock of

Chains1&3: your

Chain2: ur

Chains: life.

Ocean Elf: Ah yes, the old shock of your life thing that never happens and keeps being debunked. There's nothing shocking about this chain letter, other than the sheer idiocy of it all and that anyone would actually believe in it.

Chains: If

Chains1&3: you

Chain2: u

Chain1: break this chain letter

Chain2: dnt

Chain3: don't

Chain2: post

Chain3:repost

Chains2&3: this,

Chain2: on 5 different comments to 5 other pages

Chain3: to your wall.

Ocean Elf: I won't be a spamming fool and risk getting my account deleted for TOS violations, not to mention annoying a bunch of people.

Chains: you will

Chains2&3: have

Chain1: be cursed with 10

Chains1&3: relationship

Chains: problems

Chains1&3: for the next ten years.

Chain2: Forever

Ocean Elf: Since when is ten years forever?

Ocean Elf: No chain letter can curse or improve any of my relationships. If there would be a curse at all, it would be the curse of stupidity. It falls on the people who pass it along and repost it on the web because they either believe in this junk or else are just trolls trying to spread hoaxes. If you don't want to be cursed with a reputation of being a few bricks short of a load, don't send the chain letter to anyone or post it on the web because you actually thought it was sweet.

Chains: If you send 15ppl this in 15 min post this to 15
pages in 15 minutes, you're safe

Ocean Elf: Sending/reposting it to 15 people/pages wouldn't make me safe, it would make me a moron.

Chains: You are Everything To Somebody Right now at this very minute

Ocean Elf: If that's true, somebody needs to get over me a little.

Chains: someone is very proud of you

Ocean Elf: They ought to be. I live my life the best way I know how, and I don't spread stupid chain letters. I smash them instead.

Chains: someone is thinking of you

Ocean Elf: Someone is thinking this chain letter could hardly get any more generic and mushy.

Chains: someone cares about you

Ocean Elf: That's nice, but I still won't pass this forward on.

Chains: someone misses you

Ocean Elf: If they do, they can send me a personal note or give me a phone call, they won't show me they miss me by sending me chain letters.

Chains: someone wants to talk to you

Ocean Elf: If that's true, they can always call me or connect with me on the net.

Chains: someone wants to be with you

Ocean Elf: If that's true, they can get in touch with me, and not use a chain letter to do it.

Chains: someone hopes you aren't in trouble

Ocean Elf: Why would someone even get such an idea?

Chains: someone is thankful for the support you have provided

Ocean Elf: So they're welcome to get in touch and let me know, not by passing on a forward.

Chains: someone wants to hold your hand

Ocean Elf: Right...

Chains: someone hopes everything turns out all right

Ocean Elf: Why wouldn't it? Because I refuse to spam my friends with this chain letter? Please.

Chains: someone wants you to be happy

Ocean Elf: So make me happy and stop believing and spreading this nonsense.

Chains: someone wants you to find them

Ocean Elf: Sorry, I don't know anyone who is lost.

Chains: someone is celebrating your successes

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me.

Chains: someone wants to give you a gift

Ocean Elf: They're welcome to, but make sure it isn't a chain letter.

Chains: someone think you ARE a gift

Ocean Elf: 'Thinks'.

Chains: someone hopes you are not too cold, or too hot

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me.

Chains: someone wants to hug you

Ocean Elf: They're welcome to, as long as they're family and friends.

Chains: someone loves you

Ocean Elf: I know.

Chains: someone wants to lavish you with small gifts

Ocean Elf: If they do, why hasn't it happened yet? Anyway, I'll return the favor, as long as the gifts don't include chain letters.

Chains: someone admires your strength

Ocean Elf: Yeah, now if only other people had the strength not to believe in chain letters.

Chains: someone is thinking of you and smiling

Ocean Elf: Maybe, but not because this chain letter says so.

Chains: someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on

Ocean Elf: Then they're welcome to be, when I need it, and not because this chain letter says so.

Chains: someone wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun

Ocean Elf: If they do, I'm just an email or phone call away.

Chains: someone thinks the world of you

Ocean Elf: Yeah right.

Chains: someone wants to protect you

Ocean Elf: That has everything to do with friends and family instinct, and not because a chain letter says so.

Chains: someone would do anything for you

Ocean Elf: Not likely.

Chains: someone wants to be forgiven

Ocean Elf: Of course, but sending this chain letter is not going to do it.

Chains: someone is grateful for your forgiveness

Ocean Elf: And not because a chain letter says so.

Chains: someone wants to laugh with you about old times

Ocean Elf: And they're welcome to.

Chains: someone remembers you and wishes you were there

Ocean Elf: Maybe, or not. Whoever wrote this chain letter really has no idea since they don't even know me.

Chains: someone needs to know that your love is unconditional

Ocean Elf: Anybody who knows me knows that already. I'm not going to prove my love by passing on a chain letter.

Chains: somebody values your advice

Ocean Elf: Oh?

Chains: someone wants to tell you how much they care

Ocean Elf: If that's true, they're welcome to, and not by sending chain letters.

Chains: someone wants to stay up watching old movies with you

Ocean Elf: Not likely.

Chains: someone wants to share their dreams with you

Ocean Elf: If that was true, they'd let me know, and not via chain letter.

Chains: someone wants to hold you in their arms

Ocean Elf: Oh?

Chains: someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms

Ocean Elf: Oh?

Chains: someone treasures your spirit

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me.

Chains: someone wishes they could STOP time because of you

Ocean Elf: Not likely! Please, cut the over-the-top fake flattery, it's really beyond pathetic.

Chains: someone can't wait to see you

Ocean Elf: Says who?

Chains: someone wishes that things didn't have to change

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me sometimes. There are things I wish would change, starting with every chain letter dying out.

Chains: someone loves you for who you are

Ocean Elf: I know.

Chains: someone loves the way you make them feel

Ocean Elf: I'm not aware how I make others feel unless they tell me, and no, this forward doesn't do it.

Chains: someone wants to be with you

Ocean Elf: Didn't you say that already?

Chains: someone hears a song that reminds them of you

Ocean Elf: That is possible at some point in time.

Chains: someone wants you to know they are there for you

Ocean Elf: Didn't you cover that in the "Someone cares about you" statement somewhere above?

Chains: someone is glad that you're their friend

Ocean Elf: Good, they can show that by writing me personal notes, arranging to get together with me, etc.

Chains: someone wants to be your friend

Ocean Elf: Yeah, funny how that sometimes happens.

Chains: someone stayed up all night thinking about you

Ocean Elf: I'm pretty sure no one has done that recently. At least, I sure hope not!

Chains: someone is alive because of you

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me.

Chains: someone is wishing that you would notice them

Ocean Elf: Right, well, all they'd have to do is get in touch.

Chains: someone wants to get to know you better

Ocean Elf: And who would that be?

Chains: someone believes that you are their soul mate

Ocean Elf: Usually when people get that stuck on you, it's probably a good idea to stand up and run. I don't believe in that soul mate stuff anyway.

Chains: someone wants to be near you

Ocean Elf: If that's true, they can get in touch and arrange to get together.

Chains: someone misses your guidance and advice

Ocean Elf: Har har har!

Chains: someone values your guidance and advice

Ocean Elf: You know, you could have put "misses" and "values" in the same sentense. But again, har har har.

Chains: someone has faith in you

Ocean Elf: Sure, but not because a chain letter says so.

Chains: someone trusts you

Ocean Elf: Well, I haven't given anyone reason not to lately.

Chains: someone needs you to send them this letter

Ocean Elf: And that's what this whole phony butter-up build up was really all about. You see, I understand how chain letters work. I'm not impressed by any emotional angle they use, including this huge load.

So, here's a few "Someone" sayings for you, the chain letter originator, and anyone who actually believes it.

Someone thinks you're a manipulative twit.

Someone thinks your nose has grown so long that it has wrapped itself around everyone who falls for this phony gunk.

Someone thinks you're an idiot.

Someone thinks you're annoying.

Someone thinks you're an inconsiderate jerk.

Someone wants to take away your computer because you spread and post chain letters like this.

Someone is embarrassed and ashamed of you for passing on this chain and thinking it makes a friendship.

Someone thinks if you valued and missed them and anything they say at all, you wouldn't originate and spread chain letters.

Someone cares about you enough to discourage you from making a jerk of yourself by passing on chain letters.

Someone is self-assured enough not to take any generic feel-good sayings in a sappy chain letter to heart or at face value.

Someone will not believe and pass on this chain letter.

Someone will rip it apart and expose it for the junk it is, since it seems necessary to do so.

Chains: someone needs your support

Ocean Elf: You already said that.

Chains: someone needs you to have faith in them

Ocean Elf: Someone needs to stop spreading chain letters, then the faith will come.

Chains: someone needs you to let them be your friend

Ocean Elf: You already said that.

Chains: someone will cry when they read this

Ocean Elf: Sadly, that's probably true enough, and the ones overcome with emotion so that they cry are easily manipulated into passing the junk along. There's another reason one might cry, from laughter, but honestly, this chain letter is just too pathetic and hokey to even be funny.

Chains: SEND THIS ON TO SOMEONE SPECIAL

Ocean Elf: No, and stop with the caplock. I don't treat anyone this way, let alone someone special. I don't spam my special friends or anyone else. I'm going to revise this bit coming up with a few inserts to make it more truthful. My inserts will have dashes around them.

Chains: Send this to 0-1 people, your life will -not- be short and terrible

Ocean Elf: since no chain letter on a computer screen, by postal mail or any other medium can actually do anything to your life either way.

Chains: 1-5 people you will -not- meet someone special

5-10 people you will -not- meet your soul mate

10-15 people you will -not be happy

Ocean Elf: because of the chain letter.

Chains: 15-20 people you will -not marry and be happy

Ocean Elf: because you forwarded a bullshart message.

Chains: 20 or more you will -not marry that one special person in your life.

Ocean Elf: Because no chain letter will blip a spouse into existence for you whether you forward it to a gazillion people or not.

And what about the people who are already married? If the stupid chain letter actually worked as claimed, the unfortunate person who received it would have to decide which spouse was their one and only true soul mate!

Then, there are those who aren't even looking for a relationship, marriage or otherwise. What does this chain letter offer for them in its bogus claims? Two choices, forward it to tons of people and get a spouse you don't want, or refuse to forward and get cursed with a short terrible life, with the doofus who sent you the chain in the first place getting mad and sulky, disowning you as a friend because you didn't send them a copy back.

For those who are easily moved by seemingly warm fuzzy "You are so special!" sayings, do not believe any that come in chain letters. They have been sent not only to you, but to everybody on the contact list of the idiot who sent you a copy.

and that is not the only branch of the chain letter. This is why you will see it cropping up in various forms, all over the net. That's right, it is a viral ego-swelling infomercial, a canned message. And what it's selling is the idea that you must pass it along to as many people as possible, that is it. It's just using the angle "You are so special and so cared about!" stuff to reel you in for the hard "Pass it on!" sell. The price you pay for passing it along? Your reputation gets tarnished, and you'll annoy somebody, who probably won't want to say anything and hurt your feelings, so they'll keep quiet, and you'll probably go on sending junk like this without actually knowing how it is vexing at least some of your contacts.

Armed with this enlightenment, you too can kick the chain letter habit without any guilt or fear of losing your friends or your life!

Over and out.