15 Things Friends Forever

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From: a...friend.
Subject: Thought You Could Use This

Ocean Elf: Yeah, sure...like I could use an electric shock...

Chain: 15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

Ocean Elf: Look, if you've thought about them and know them, chances are good I would've figured whatever it is out long before you. I don't know what makes silly chain originators have such high opinions of themselves and their not-so-super brain powers…

Chain: Trust me this will help you

Ocean Elf: Trust you: You're a chain letter! No way! You will help me with what? As if I need help with anything? Chain letters don't help anybody.

Chains: 2. At least 15 people in this world love you
Chain2: in some way.

Ocean Elf: That's called family and friends.

Chains: 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.

Ocean Elf: Bull crap. If they wanted to be like me, they'd like me. There are people I don't like and I certainly don't want to be like them. They range from narcissistic to trolls to extremists to sadists. Understand so far?

Chain2: There are

Chains: at least two people in this world that

Chain1: love you so much they

Chains: would die for you

Ocean Elf: It's called the parent-child bond or the family bond. Don't use that to try buttering me up because 1, I'm rather freaked out by the idea of anyone being put in such a situation, 2, I don't like or trust chain letter flattery, and 3, I don't feel like a real big special better worth while person just because some chain letter tells me people would die for me.

Chain1: 4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don?t like you.

Ocean Elf: Again, bull crap. Don't try that over-the-top butter-up job on me.

Chains: 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.

Ocean Elf: I highly doubt it, but you never know. And you for sure don't know if I don't. Only the people thinking about me, know they're thinking about me, and you don't even know me, so you can't even think of me specifically. So there goes that one, shot to heck as well.

Chains: 6. You mean the world to someone.

Ocean Elf: Like the rest of my family - we all mean the most to one another. That's as it should be, nothing more, nothing less. Otherwise, if you're just talking about some random person I don't know, uh, creepy. As in the A Girl Asked A Guy chain, somebody needs to get over me a bit.

Chain1: 7. If not for you, someone may not be living.

Ocean Elf: Yeah, me... You know, some of these are found in another chain called "A Girl Asked A Guy" that got debunked.

Chain1: 8. You are special and unique.

Ocean Elf: Well no kidding! DUH!

Chains: 9. Someone that you don?t even know exists loves you.

Ocean Elf: Utter nonsense. It might make sense if I was someone really famous and had a fanbase, but I'm just an everyday person and aware of the people who love me, and love them back.

Chains: 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.

Ocean Elf: That all depends on the mistake, the circumstances, who it effects, how badly, so you can't even impress me with that attempt to be wise, profound, witty, whatever. You simply don't know a thing.

Chains: 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look.

Ocean Elf: Nobody comes to that conclusion without seeing enough of the nasty bits of the world to convince them.

Chain1: you most likey turned your back on the world.

Ocean Elf: You most likely (not likey) need a little more experience in life and with other people. Usually when people turn their backs on the world, something has caused it. But you go and blame them, how understanding of you... Yes, that was sarcasm.

Chain1: 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won?t get, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.

Ocean Elf: Who needs chain letters telling you that?

Chains: 13. Always remember the compliments you received.

Ocean Elf: Show me somebody who forgets a compliment.

Chains: Forget

Chain1: about

Chains: the rude remarks.

Ocean Elf: Easier said than done, and not even practical. If someone is a jerk, it's best to keep some kind of record to avoid them when possible, confront them when necessary, or at least warn anyone else you know of who has to deal with them.

Chain1: 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.

Ocean Elf: And then they can remember it if it was a compliment or forget it if it was a rude remark... So I guess I can tell you how I feel about you and feel ever so much better, so here goes. you stink.

Chain1: 15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Ocean Elf: And not by sending them this chain letter.

Chain1: A Minute

Ocean Elf: What about it? Don't tell me you're going to get all gushy over a unit of time.

Chain1: They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

Ocean Elf: I don't know which moron's been eating your brain lately, but it takes a lot longer than a day to actually get to love somebody… Same for most everything else - whoever "they" are, they have it wrong. You can't do it all in such a short time, and there are people who I've forgotten. One can't possibly remember every single person they meet through life. And no, I'm not talking about friends…

Chain1: Send this phrase to the people you'll never forget and remember to send it also to the person who sent it to you.

Ocean Elf: Gads! Anybody else out there sick of these chain letters demanding to be sent back to the person who sent them to you? Please, the internet is already polluted with millions of copies of the same fake friendship spam, server overload isn't just a myth, and things are slow because of overload from people sending the same annoying emails around. And who wants to keep getting copies of the same chain letter all the time? Definitely not me!

Chain1: It's a short message to let them know that you'll never forget them.

Ocean Elf: Yeah, sure, like a personal note couldn't have done a much better job of conveying the message? Golly gee, I'm so tickled to be number 3729367 in somebody's never-to-forget address list!

Chains: If you don't send it to anyone, it means you're in

Chain1: too much of

Chains: a hurry and that you've

Chain1: probably forgotten

Chain2: forgot

Chains: your friends.

Ocean Elf: Oh, for crying out loud! Please! Let's put some perspective on this and zap this pile of viral coercion with a little reality.

If you don't pass this on, it doesn't mean you've forgotten your friends and are in a hurry. Don't let some chain letter guilt-trip you into emailing and reposting copies of it all over the internet by way of this bullying implied insult on your character! It's no substitute for personally written emails and posts!

if you do pass it on, it does mean:

1. You were taken in by a fake friendship chain letter

2. You were in too much of a hurry to send your friends a real email, a personally typed note from you.

3. You've forgotten your friends and how to communicate because you think these sappy memes mean more to them than anything coming honestly from you. How much time and caring does it take to mass email people on an address list?

Chains: Take the time

Ocean Elf: To write emails and posts instead of passing on forwards!

Chain2: to live and love.

Ocean Elf: For goodness sake, no warmblooded human being who already lives and loves, needs your stupid cheesy chain letter telling them to do what comes naturally! Sheesh!

Chain1: Send this letter to all the people you care about, Including the person who sent this to you.

Ocean Elf: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! No, no, no, and did I tell you - NO!?

Chain1: If you do so, You will certainly brighten someone's day and might change their perspective on life, for the better.

Ocean Elf: Wow, the ARROGANCE! Just, wow wow wow!

Look, you insufferable jerk -

I don't know how to make this any plainer, it is not possible to make words less than one syllable to dumb down a simple enough explanation for you!

You will certainly not brighten anyone's day or change their perspective on life with this swill, unless they are the sort of people who stop thinking for themselves whenever some dumb chain crosses their screen. All your fake altruistic posturing is in fact, nothing to do with brightening and perspectives, and everything to do with "SEND THIS meme TO EVERYONE!"

Your stupid assumptions about people's attitudes and your insultingly simple ideas for how to live, how to feel, and what you think you know about everyone, not a word of it is anywhere near profound. Not one word of it is exclusive knowledge and thought to you. You don't know anything about the lives and loves of everyone this stupid chain has been sent to, except perhaps that the ones you suckered have inexplicably been drawn in by your mega flattery, judgement and demands combo.

Chain1: SOMEONE IS THINKING OF YOU..

Ocean Elf: Yeah right, you don't know me, you don't know the people connected to me, you can only know one person's thought process, and that is your own, so no, you don't know if someone is thinking of me. So don't try pulling that angle on me.

Chain1: THEY WANT YOU TO ACCEPT,

Ocean Elf: Accept what? This stupid forward instead of an honest to goodness real note? No! And it isn't "they" it's you, attempting to push everyone on the net around and sadly, so many people willingly accept this from you, not aware they are getting played.

Chain1: MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

Ocean Elf: *Gag* Would someone hand me a barfbag? Quick! What would you know about friendship and heart? You're not my friend, and this viral is as impersonal, insincere and heartless as all the rest of the pseudo-friendship infomercial chain spam flying around the net.

Chain1: MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER AND EVER!

Ocean Elf: ACK! This burns!

Okay, let me get this straight. You want me to burst into weird multicoloured smiles and get a multicoloured heart as well?

Um, that would look just a bit weird, and I doubt I'd even be in good enough condition to have a pulse if I did that. Rainbows in your smile, wreathed in smiles", how ree-dang-diculous!

Chain1:FRIENDS FOREVER!

Ocean Elf: With you? NEVER!

Chain2: So if you are a loving friend, send this to everyone on your list including the person that sent it to you.

Ocean Elf: Argh! Shut it!

Chain2: Send this to fifteen people in fifteen minutes !!

Ocean Elf: No... Away with that numerology crud.

Over and out.