26 Things A "Perfect Guy" Would Do

UGH!

* * *

Meme: Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do,

Ocean Elf: Aaaaaaaargh!

*Scowl* Another "Guys, totally fall over her and treat her like a goddess because she's a woman and you're just a man which makes you a lowly slug next to her." Aaaaaaaagh! Yeah, I've seen more than my share of these piles of trash, and I'm one of a very few women who will tear them apart with a burning rage.

And unlike Maddox, I will do it right, with considerably more class.

First, here's a list of memes of this ilk, just so you get some idea how common they really are.

Tips For Guys
True Boyfriend
Things Guys Should Know About Girls
I'm Sorry
Give Up Your Life For Me, Just Say Sorry!
26 Things A Perfect Guy Would Do
257 Things A Girl Wished A Guy Knew,
Faux Brad Pitt advice
Dan Wilt's New Kind Of Man for Valentine's Day
9 Words Women Use
Anne Wichert Why Guys Like Girls World Record Bollox Chain Letter

Smash time. Starting with a reality check: There is no such thing as a "perfect guy" or a "perfect girl" Everybody's imperfect, including you, Princess!

Meme: 1. Know Known how to make you smile when you are down!

Ocean Elf: Look, anyone who cares about another human being is probably going to wish they could get them out of a down mood, this isn't and shouldn't be gender-specific. But let me ask you this, Your Highness Chain Princess, how about the perfect girl? Would you expect her to try making the guy smile when he's feeling down? Or do you even give a flying hot dart about his feelings? Probably not. *Rolling eyes*

Anyway, when someone is down, especially about something really serious, (girls don't always get down over really small stuff like "OMG I broke a nail." They get upset/sad over things like death, financial concerns, the same sorts of things men do) and it's not up to another person to try making them smile all the time.

When I am down, I usually have a good reason to be, and no one can make me smile until I feel like smiling. That is that.

Meme: 2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

Ocean Elf: Eww! Creepo! no!

Meme: 3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

Ocean Elf: Argh! Look, that should go for all of humanity, not just from boys to girls!

Meme: 4. Give you the remote control during the game.

Ocean Elf: W…T…H…!?

First of all, I watch some sports, especially during the olympics and NHL playoffs. It's not just a man thing.

Second, if the man is watching a game and Princess Chain Letter idiot isn't interested in it, why in the freaking heck should he hand her the remote? When I watch my favourite TV shows, I don't hand off the remote to someone else unless I am leaving the room and won't be back for a while.

Meme: 5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

Ocean Elf: Urgh! No! I don't like being snuck up on or smothered.

Meme: 6. Play with your hair.

Ocean Elf: No! I don't like my hair played with. Only my Grandma was allowed to do that.

Meme: 7. His hand hands would always find yours your hand.

Ocean Elf: Gah! As I explained in The smash of the anne Wichert World Record Why Guys Like Girls chain letter, hands aren't for 'finding' because they don't get lost in the first place. Or was that heads? Anyway, same principle. The reason for the appearance of a stutter is because one mutation said "hand" and the other said "hands" I just put the differences side by side within the same phrase.

Meme: 8. Be cute when he really wants something.

Ocean Elf: Oh, shut it! That's just being manipulative.

Meme: 9. Offer you plenty of massages.

Ocean Elf: Urgh! No! Princess, if you want a massage, go to a professional. Stop treating your poor sap of a boyfriend like a slave!

Meme: 10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

Ocean Elf: and if I can't dance because I feel like a dork?

Meme: 11. Never run out of love.

Ocean Elf: Ugh! The thing about love is, it doesn't run out, because it isn't just an infatuation. But if Princess Chainbrat is going to be so demanding, she doesn't deserve some poor sap's undying love anyway.

Meme: 12. Be funny, but know when to be serious.

Ocean Elf: Hey dipstick! Some people just aren't naturally all that good at being funny, and others have trouble being serious. Basically knowing which is most appropriate and when is not gender-specific and shouldn't be. If you go into a job interview, you're not going to be cracking jokes. Duh!

Meme: 13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

Ocean Elf: That's as bad as that airhead chain letter chick from To every Girl who laughs at stupid stuff when she actually doesn't think it's funny. What a couple of phoneys!

Meme: 14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

Ocean Elf: Argh! Look, I don't even take as long as my Dad to get ready. Believe it or not, there are some women who don't spend tons of time trying to dress in just the right outfit, pick just the right shoes, take ages on their hair and makeup etc.

Meme: 15. React so cutely when you hit him and it acutally hurts.

Ocean Elf: Aaaaaagh! NO! Gah you stink! Shut up!

Meme: 16. Smile a lot.

Ocean Elf: Oh, cram it! He can smile whenever he feels like it, and shouldn't have to when he doesn't!

Meme: 17. Plans a romantic date full of things he wouldn't normally do because he knows it means a lot to you.

Ocean Elf: Oh, pass me the bucket! Instead of this whole stupid his VS. hers fun date thing, try finding common ground and doing stuff together that you both like to do! He shouldn't have to just do only what she wants just to show she's got him wrapped so tightly around that bratty little finger!

Meme: 18. Appreciate you.

Ocean Elf: Newsflash, if you want to be appreciated, you have to be worthy of it, and brat, you don't come close! You just make all these demands, expecting some guy to be perfect for you, and you have the gall to demand he appreciate you on top of everything else. *Facepalm*

Meme: 19. Help others out.

Ocean Elf: Duh, that's not gender-specific.

Meme: 20. Drive five hours just to see you for one.

Ocean Elf: Good gosh, no! Ever heard of talking on the phone or over the internet!?

Meme: 21. Always gives you a kiss when you leave, even when his friends are watching.

Ocean Elf: Bleck! No! Believe it or not, some of us girls aren't stuck on kissing and we don't all go in for big public displays of affection.

Meme: 22. Sing, even if he can't.

Ocean Elf: *Scowl* Why? Just, why? The heck!? Look, nobody expects me to sing, so I'm not going to expect some guy to sing, especially if he can't, and probably feels self-conscious about it. You just want him to sing so you can tell him how lousy you think he is and make him feel terrible and make yourself feel superior to him. Get lost, Princess!

Meme: 23. Have a creative sense of humor.

Ocean Elf: You know, you'd actually deserve a guy who did, someone who could play some sort of practical joke on you to rattle a little of that entitlement syndrome out of your rotten head.

Meme: 24. Stare at you.

Ocean Elf: No! That's rude.

Meme: 25. Call for no reason.

Ocean Elf: No… That's desperate.

I don't know what happened to 26, but it was likely a demand to "Pass it on." anyway.

Over and out!